what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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