I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
