I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
