Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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