I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize