I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
