i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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