Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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