He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
