thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just high enough for therapy.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
