it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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