"it" just moved
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
