you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize