My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
