Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
