ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
