Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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