When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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