Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You have to summon your inner elephant
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The adults are the big ones right?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
