i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
