What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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