A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
