He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
