i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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