Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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