It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
