I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
