we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
