His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Mom said you looked used
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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