My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize