Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
