i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
