So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
