someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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