Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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