wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
BRING THE BAGELS
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
