yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize