dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
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