just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
