FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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