roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
