I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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