i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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