i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
