they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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