are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
