she woke up with a sticky ear
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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