brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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