WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
