i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
