Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Houston, we have a blender
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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