So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
