No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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