nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I currently don't understand fingers.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
