What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I love having hate sex.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
