Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
