I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize