pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
