You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
