College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
