he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
