I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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