Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize