Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
