I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
