I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
