we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Drunk is a universal language darling
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
