im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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