you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
