so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
