The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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