just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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