thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
