Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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