please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Randomize