just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
