you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
