I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
apparently the secret to your success is patron
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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