gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
