A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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