Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
