My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
