you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
