I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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