you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
