i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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