He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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