I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
