What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
