Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
