pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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