I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
