Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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