it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
