the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You are the jesus of drinking
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
