His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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