How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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