I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
